Thursday, July 8, 2010

Cause everyone else is doing it- Lebron James

I envision Cleveland looks similar to the scene in Armageddon where everyone in the world is listening to the radio for every conceivable update as the fate of the world rests in the balances (and its daylight all over the world in this scene which is why I hate Michael Bay, but I digress) I envision Clevelanders crowding around the 5 or 6 radios (forms of communication) that are left in a city that has the look of one that is disserted, one that will be disserted by its favorite child….If this were Armageddon (and my analogy made sense), Bruce Willis just got shot in the chest by the dude with a gun on the space shuttle, and the astronauts (insert: Lebron and his boys) are hauling ass out of there to witness the end of the world (ugh hang with me: end of cleveland) from a front row seat, far-far out of harms way…

The NBA wants Lebron in Miami; don’t let ESPN and every other media outlet fool you. Tim Legler was asked would this be good for the NBA? He answered, well fuck I dunno I can’t listen to ESPN carry out David Stern’s message. Stern is the architect, the man behind it all, a marketing genius that almost made basketball bigger than soccer internationally. He attempted to overthrow the international sport for the poor peasant, a sport that only requires a ball. Basketball, similarly, only requires a ball and a hoop. You can begin to see just where they got off thinking this way. (Long tangent with my dislike for the jewish mob boss) The NBA was at its absolute best in terms of revenue and global appeal came during the 1996-1998, the Jordan comeback years. The cast of characters; Jordan (the greatest), Pippen a formidable Robin to Jordan’s batman, and Rodman, the wild card who was part crazy, part druggie, and part outlaw. These three ran the NBA for three strong years, taking the Bulls (and the league) to places it had truly never been, including the likes of Singapore and deep in China. When they left, Stern had no idea how to market the NBA; he had gotten lazy, hadn’t kept up with the market. He thought that superstars could continue to carry the NBA, that the public’s infatuation with larger than life players who transcended the game would allow him to continue his push abroad, and his global takeover would be complete. He failed for multiple reasons. For one, Iverson had a run as the most marketable player in the NBA because he was in direct contrast to Jordan. He played like he was at the Rucker, with the killer crossover, cornrows and large entourage of black men to match the persona. He waived a gun, slapped around his wife and famously questioned practice; he didn’t give a shit what people thought of him, and that’s why people liked him. Jordan became so consumed by the notion that he had to have a perfect image that fans never felt we could relate, only imitate and emulate his greatness. But while Iverson was too short and never played within a team concept, Shaq and Kobe were cast as the heir to the Bulls throne. They weren’t the Bulls, even if Phil Jackson was cast to complete the allusion that they were. They couldn’t win consistently without Stern and his flunkies (referees, henchmen’s) help. Stern had to keep small market “teams” from beating his conglomerate of superstars. So he began what would effectively be known as “Sternball”, fixing games by telling the referees what fouls to call the night before the game, and letting them know the commissioner (who signs their checks) will be in fact watching to make sure the calls are made. Tremendous stress was put on the referees to follow with Sterns orders, to carry out his ultimate goal of global domination (this sounds like a Pinky and the Brain episode). Foul discrepancies became so ludicrous, if anyone disputes the fact the Kings should have handedly defeated the Lakers in 2003 or the Blazers should have won the western conference series in 2000 they have a refusal to admit and analyze facts. If you in fact think that I am a conspiracy theorist (in judging by the aluminum foil around my head, you’d be correct) I am not alone; read Tim Donaghy’s series on the NBA Finals on Deadspin in which it all but indicts Stern as the string puller of his group of marionettes. There has been a constant push to continue the superstar conglomerates, look at the 2008 Celtics as further proof. The Lakers, well they’re a marketable team back to the 1980s when Magic and Kareem led the NBA; as were the Celtics. The renewed rivalry was orchestrated, in part, because of the idea that sports (and life) are cyclical: that what we as consumers enjoyed back then, we will enjoy once again. (The McRib is the McDonalds equivalent of this) But the Lakers and Celtics only further proved that their sun is setting; they are getting older, look at Kevin Garnett’s knees for further example (Tangent) I love K.G., have ever since he came into the league. He plays basketball the way I believe I would (if I were a 6’10 black man with actual basketball talent); he plays like the horse in Animal Farm who constantly says “I will work harder”. But now, he’s reached the point in basketball lore when you must either reinvent your game as a jump shooter, or struggle and force all of your once fans to wince as you get out jumped by point guards and blocked by small forwards. The NBA knows this: that’s why there is no push as the Celtics being a marketable entity, because their best is behind them. They have heart, but that won’t beat talent 9 times out of 10. Alright, back to where I was….

There is no secret that these three, Bosh, Wade and James first became friends while playing for The Redeem Team in Beijing. Beijing, the capital of the largest untapped market in the entire world (China), acted as a stage for the three to begin to see just what they could be together. Winning would come easily; nightly they could each focus on other aspects of their game, without having to exhaust themselves by doing it all. No longer would Lebron have to leave it all out on the court only to be dead tired by playoff time. (or quit on his team and pout like he did this year) He could depend on others, those he thought as his equals on the court, who could take him to the promised land of championships, rings, champagne (groupies) and most of all the figurative mountain top that is a players marketability, the likes of which haven’t been seen since his airness. James wants to be Jordan. His only failure is in his desire to want to be like Mike; he comes off, and more than likely is, a megalomaniac in his own right, so consumed by his brand, his image, his appeal and constantly hearing just how great he truly is that he’s lost how to effectively communicate his desires to the public. Every word, hell every fart would be documented by (at least) the tag-alongs he kept along from his High School days, “his friends” who would constantly reassure him of his greatness, if only because they have three state championship rings (not to mention room, board and riches- think the Black Entourage) because of it. They run a company with his name on it, with the end goal to make Lebron bigger than anyone else in the sport(s). They have espn in their back pocket, but really the NBA does. The deal they signed allows ESPN to get first choice on most games it broadcasts, and to allow the average fan unprecedented access. Of course, few us of really give a shit about this access, but ESPN believes we must want it, because they force feed it to us and we are far too stupid to object and turn it off (guilty as charged) All of this culminating in tonights “the Decision” in which a full hour of riding Lebrons dick will come to head. The NBA loves it, a Heat triad would then recast Lebron, Bosh and Wade as the Jordan, Pippen and Rodman of this generation, and again would attempt to grease the (NBA marketing) wheel that has remained shut down and rusted, neglected since the days of the Bulls. This is Sterns chance to finish what he started. The invasion of basketball into China, a country with no noticeable national sport with the exception of sumo-wrestling and chess, could be swayed by a team so great that the world, including communist China, would take notice. Not to mention the target audience already had a teaser trailer, watching first hand just how great the team was when it destroyed the competition and took the gold medal stage in Beijing in 2008. This, my friends, is a heist one in which we haven’t seen at this magnitude. The drama is being billed, our emotions are being played upon and it all culminates at 8pm. Soccer, you’ve been warned, you’re time as the International pastime is in the cross heirs, and Stern wants to fire the deadening blow, a final knockout. For good reason, this drama is unfolding at the same time the World Cup is coming to a climax, in a blatant attempt to steal the thunder away from the momentum it had gained from High Definition television and a new generation’s appeal of an art form that takes shape in sport. Basketball can be this; watch the 80-90s NBA. Nowadays? It feels more like WWE, scripted theater in which a CEO is pulling the strings, casting villains and heroes who further help the rise and revenue of his fledgling company. In short, good bye Cleveland, your economy and place as the epicenter of this circus will be nuked at precisely 8:10 central time, with Lebron leaving his hometown, and you can begin to mourn the loss of any potential sports championship. There’s always Jake Delhomme and the Browns

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